


Things Hidden

by putdownthepipe



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Jen and Judy, Season 2, Soft Judy, tw mention of sexual assault, vulnerable Jen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24518338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/putdownthepipe/pseuds/putdownthepipe
Summary: Jen is suddenly off the hook when Perez decides to look the other way in Steve’s missing persons case. Is it too good to be true?Without the constant fear of their family being ripped apart looking over them, Jen and Judy begin to unearth hidden feelings and things buried away.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 4
Kudos: 81





	Things Hidden

**Author's Note:**

> This is set during the end of the second season when Perez decides to let Jen go, saying that justice sometimes works itself out without the law.
> 
> Trigger warning: Jen talks about the man that attempted to sexually assault her. It’s not explicit in detail, but I did want to warn people.

*****

It can’t be that easy, Jen thinks to herself. After all the pain, fear, guilt, and anger she had experienced over the past months, could she actually be getting a break? Or maybe this was just the universe’s way of saying: “ya know what, you’ve been through enough shit for one lifetime, I can take it from here”

Regardless, Jen is not going to hang around the Laguna PD to wait and see if Perez changes her mind. No, Jen decides that if someone is going to offer her a respite from the chaos, then she is damn sure gonna fucking take it. She resists the urge to sprint out of the station and makes sure to walk purposefully, with her head up across the parking lot to her car. Jen can’t help but grin when she opens the door to getinside.

Jen instantly mutes the heavy metal that starts playing when she turns on the car. She drives in silence back to her house, still in shock of the events of the morning. 

Just a few hours earlier, she was so sure she would lose everything. That she would be sent to prison and that her boys would have lost both their parents in less than a year. And now, well now it looked like Jen was in the clear and Perez wasn’t going to come after her and Judy anymore. It was such a freeing feeling, and yet, it seemed like it couldn’t be that easy.. she couldn’t have really gotten away clean with murdering her best friends ex-fiancé and burying him in the woods. 

But here she was turning into her driveway and putting her car in park. In just a few seconds she could walk through her front door and see her sons, and Judy. Jen can’t help but smile as she closed her car door, heading to the front door.

When she walks into the kitchen She is faced with the image of Judys eyes brimming with tears. 

Jens feels a her stomach drop. It hadn’t occurred to her that Judy might have already shared the letters she wrote and told her boys what had happened, or what was supposed to have happened today. 

She rushed forward and Judy looks up, with relief washing over her face.

“Your mom is- 

is coming through the door right now!!” Judy finishes quickly. 

Jen starts to try to explain away the letters, when Judy quickly cuts her off by shaking her head vigorously.

The kids were obviously relieved to see their mom walk through the entryway after such weird circumstances and rush to hug her with relieved expressions on their faces. 

Realizing that Judy hadn’t gotten a chance to share the letters or say anything yet, Jens posture relaxes and she squeezes back as tight as she can. 

Judy looks at her from across the island with an expression that Jen can’t quite read. Maybe.. love? Maybe just relieved of the responsibility of breaking the news to two already traumatized kids that their mom was a fucking murderer. Either way Judy walks over and joins the group hug. When her eyes meet Jens again she mouthes “thank you”. 

This “thank you“ has a heavy meaning. “Thank you for coming back so I didn’t have to destroy these kids lives for a second time This year”.

Jen pulls away from the group hug and says “well I don’t know about you guys, but I am fucking hungry!  
Let’s order some pizza or something”

The boys agree heartily, and satisfied that their mom is ok, they both are happy to return to their video games and wait for dinner to arrive. 

Judy grabs Jens arm and physically pulls her into the garage. 

“What happened? How are you even here right now?” Judy rushed to get out. “I read your letter and I was so fucking scared” she continued. 

“I confessed to Perez but we couldn’t even find Steve’s body. It was so fucking dark when we buried him and she got fed up with walking in circles and basically told me that Steve got what he deserved and that sometimes justice is beyond the law and-“

Jen can’t finish her sentence because Judy is wrapping her in a crushing hug and refusing to let her pull away from it.

“Fuck Judy- You gotta let go so I can order pizza!” Jen blurts out.

Judy reluctantly releases her hold on Jen and they both laugh sheepishly. The brunettes eyes are stills brimming with tears. 

“I’m just so glad you’re- that you’re here and you’re ok- I mean jesus, Jen! I thought you were gone forever!”

Jen smiles at Judy in reply and grasps her smaller hand between both of her own speaking softly. “Oh Cmon, lets go open a bottle and order this pizza”

Both of them felt the emotions of the day washing away with each sip of wine and laugh together. Judy couldn’t stop the relief from showing on her face the rest of dinner and even after the boys had gone up to bed much later as they sat on the couch watching their favorite trashy show. A few glasses of wine and some time had allowed both women to relax and settle down after a very stressful day. 

Judy brought up the letter that Jen wrote her as casually as possible.

“So about that letter..” she starts.

Jen looks up at her. “I couldn’t leave them with Lorna” she says in explanation, even though judy hadn’t specifically mentioned being named as their legal guardian. 

“So from what you wrote in that letter. I guess I’m kinda like your wife huh?” Judy quipped, trying to lighten the heaviness of the subject matter. 

“Oh shut the fuck up judy”  
Jen mutters defensively 

When she considers it, Jen does have to admit to herself that it does feel like that. Like judy is her kids second mom, and her counterpart. 

She digests this for a moment. But ultimately, decides that she’s not going to try figure out how she feels about that right now and just enjoy the peace of the moment. She did love judy, and she couldn’t deny her attraction to the soft brunette. Jen hadn’t realized just how lost in her thoughts she was until judy spoke again. 

“I’m just kidding with you Jen” she smiled wiggling her eyebrows at the blonde. 

“You’re too uptight to handle my chaotic energy anyways” she continues winking suggestively and leaning to bump against jens shoulder playfully. 

Bumping her back, Jen smiles and then quickly realizes that Judy is definitely flirting with her. 

Jen presses her hand forward into the side of judys face pushing her over sideways into the couch and laughing at the squeak that comes from her startled friend. Two can play at this game. She thinks smiling.

Judy falls willingly over onto her side and then rolls backwards slightly, shifting until she’s flat on her back. As she shifts Jen notices that Judys blouse also shifts slightly, exposing more cleavage than she is probably aware of.

Judy laughs in an easy carefree way after being pushed, remarking sarcastically, “wow you’re so strong, so tough”

She moves her hand over to squeeze jens forearm which is laying between judys side and the back of the couch. “So butch”

Judys eyes seem to sparkle mischievously and Jen finds herself wondering how in the world it’s possible that judy is actually flirting with her. But she clearly is pushing past the carefully drawn lines that dictate the boundaries of their friendship. Jen can’t stop herself from wondering what her mouth would taste like if she kissed her. Would it taste like the wine they’d been having, or something innately Judy. Would Judy be frozen in surprise? Would she kiss her back? Would she slide her hands into jens hair, pulling her in, needing to feel even closer? Would she want it just as much as Jen did?

But no. That is dangerous mental territory to be in. Flirting is one thing. Lots of friends flirt occasionally or tease each other. But friends don’t kiss. That Jen knows for sure. And as judys friend, she shouldn’t be thinking about that. She shouldn’t be thinking about whether judy would be submissive or whether she would push Jen back on the couch dominantly and climb on Jens lap. Whether she would be meek and quiet, or passionate and vocal. Whether she would cry out so loud that Jen would have to cover her mouth with her hands or...

Shit.

She does not just want to be judys friend. She want-wants Judy. Jen wonders how long she’s been silently staring at Judys cleavage.

Judy squeezes jens arm again to get her attention, looking up at her from the cushions questioningly as if waiting for an explanation for jens blank stare and extended silence.

Snapping out of it, Jen looks up from Judys boobs to meet her gaze. Jen can feel her face and chest blush at her inappropriate thoughts. Jen sheepishly averts her eyes and grabs Judys arm pulling her back upright on the couch wordlessly. Judy laughs at her and pokes her shoulder.

“Why are you so quiet all the sudden?”

“I thought you were Miss-big-bad-bitch?”

Jen fumbles to come up with a sarcastic reply that will overshadow her abrupt shift in mood. She quickly thinks through the few ways she could cover up her actual thoughts and distract Judy from thinking about the way that Jen was just looking at her 15 seconds ago. But now too much time has passed and Judy is still waiting expectantly for her explanation. 

Jens head is blank at the moment and without any other safe ideas of how to explain to Judy why she had suddenly seemed so uncomfortable, Jen decides to just shrug and look back at the tv instead.

“Okay then” Judy remarked with a relaxed smile slowly forming on her face. “Keep your secrets”

Judy shifts back to a more comfortable position tucking both legs up onto the couch and leaning slightly against Jen. As Judy reaches to pull more of the blanket from Jen to cover her lap again she notices jens face turn towards her again. She looks up to see Jens eyes trained on her cleavage, which Judy didn’t realize was revealing much more than it was supposed to.

She quickly pulls her top to readjust and notices Jens eyes dart up to her own then quickly away and back at the tv screen. 

Judy feels a fluttering sensation in her stomach. 

Jen couldn’t really have been checking her out... right? 

Judy couldn't help the spiraling train of thought that sent her on. 

They sat silently pretending to watch the program on tv until a commercial came on abruptly disrupting both of them from their private thoughts. 

“Well”, Jen said quickly, slapping her palms against the tops of her thighs, “ I guess that’s my que to track down some more wine... Want some more?” 

She didn’t wait for an answer as she quickly stood up and moved to the kitchen in search of the mostly-still-full bottle of Cabernet she had left there. 

When she returned to the couch Judy was still curled up in the same position, but holding both empty glasses out towards her expectantly. 

Jen poured the wine evenly between both glasses then let herself fall back down heavily beside the brunette. 

The sudden movement jolted judys elbow and caused one of the glasses in her hands to splash onto judys chin, neck and chest. 

“Fuck! Judy I’m sorry, god, what a mess”

Jen tried to use her sleeve to dab at the red liquid dripping down judys chin as she hears Judy softly chuckling. 

“Shit it’s all over your face and on your...” Jen stops. Fuck. 

Jen watches as the wine runs down Judys neck and then disappears in the valley between her breasts.

“-boobs” Jen finished 

“Um Jen?” Judy asked 

“I’m flattered that you’re looking... but really do you think you could help me out here?”

Jen snaps out of it and desperately tries looking anywhere but at her best friends boobs... Which, she now realizes would taste like her favorite wine.

“Shit! Yeah no- of course! Sorry, shit!”

“Don’t be sorry!” Judy smiled, noticing how Jen couldn’t even look at her anymore. 

“But I could use a change of clothes” Judy finished. 

Jen nodded, still not looking at Judy, and blindly offered the brunette her hand to help her up from the couch and pulls her behind her into the master bedroom. 

Jen swiftly searched through a drawer and made sure to pull out a comfortable t shirt that wasn’t one of Ted’s. 

She turned around to hand it to Judy just as the brunette was pulling her wine stained blouse over her head. 

Jen found herself staring at her best friend again, Her green eyes raking over judys abdomen and up higher as the shirt lifted to reveal her breasts. Apparently Judy had decided not to wear a bra today. 

Jen felt white hot heat come over her face and the increasing arousal throbbing between her legs. She knew there was no hope of trying to hide the look of lust in her face as her gaze drifted up to meet Judys eyes. 

When their eyes finally met Judy looked back at her and eyed her questioningly.

“Jen?”

“Yes” Jen said automatically. 

“Jen!” 

Jen squeezed her eyes tight, fearing how Judy would react to her obvious attraction to the brunette. 

Judy felt vulnerable with her breasts still exposed and crossed her arms covering herself. She starts to speak- to try to somehow salvage the situation and not make Jen feel as awkward as she feels herself. But when she studies Jen’s face she doesn’t see the embarrassment she had expected to see, but instead, she sees a hunger. 

It makes Judy painfully aware of sudden arousal she felt low in her abdomen.

Judy decides to go for it. 

“Jen, come here”

The blonde moves wordlessly towards her, stopping an arms length away. 

Jens eyes are looking off to the side, her face still flushed. She can’t quite bring herself to look at Judy and see her reaction. 

“Jen, look at me”

Jen shakes her head closing her eyes.

Judy uncrosses one of her arms to reach up and touch Jens face, studying her and turning her to meet her gaze.

“Jen, it’s ok if you want to look at me”

Jens eyes snap open holding Judys stare. 

“No, umm friends don’t look at each other’s boobs” Jen says hurriedly.

“I know that” Judy replies. “But... It’s ok if you want to...”

Jen glances at Judys eyes confused and considering what she just heard.

“Do you want me to?”

Judy uncrosses her other arm from her chest wordlessly and reaches to pull Jens hand up towards her breast.

Jen follows her own hand with her eyes as Judy presses it to her breast. 

“Fuck, Judy” Jen whispers hoarsely, feeling the weight in her hand and gently squeezing. Feeling Judys nipple hardened under her hand.

Judy continues to hold Jens hand against her breast, relishing the sensation and feeling herself become more and more aroused and glancing up at Jens lips which are slightly parted in shock. 

“Can I-“ 

Judy couldn’t finish her sentence because of the lips that were suddenly pressed to hers. She felt Jen wrap her free hand around the back of her neck and pull her against her. 

The kiss was fast and bruising and harder than Jen had imagined. Judy moaned against her mouth, letting Jen take control and push her backwards until her knees hit the edge of the bed. She pushed her down onto her back and crashed down on top of her grabbing Judys wrists and bringing them up and over her head securely. 

Jen moves her lips down to Judys jaw, kissing towards her neck, leaving Judy panting and pulling against Jens grip on her wrists. 

“Don’t move” Jen growls near her ear, biting at her neck and sucking at her pulse point. Judy whimpered squeezing her legs tighter underneath her skirt trying to stay still as Jen continued her ministrations down her neck and down the center of her chest. Judys arms strain and pull against Jens grip causing Jen to stop immediately. 

“Oh my god!” Jen releases Judys arms and jumps up backing away from the bed. Continuing to stumble backwards Jens eyes are wide. 

“Shit Judy.... I- I didn’t mean to hold you down or-“Jens words trail off as she braces herself against the back of the bedroom door. 

Judy sits up, chest heaving, slightly out of breath and staring at Jen with a dazed look eyes. She doesn’t reply. 

“Fuck, Judy I’m so sorry are you ok?  
God, please don’t hate me- I swear I didn’t mean to-“

Judy stops her by raising her hand up, catching her breath.

“Jesus, Jen. What the fuck?”

Jen slides to the floor wrapping her arms around her knees and appearing to crumple even smaller.

Judy jumps up and moves over to her, dropping to the floor as she pulls Jen face up to hers, trying to get Jen to look her in the eyes. 

“Jen, I’m fine.. What is going on?”

Jen looks up, pulling back slightly, with wet eyes trying to start a sentence in reply. 

“I didn’t mean to hold you down or force you-” her voice trails off shakily. 

“Jen stop” Judy interrupted. “I want this as much as you, you’re not forcing anything”

Jen is silent.

“What’s going on here?” Judy asked, eyebrows furrowed. “Jen what is this?”

Jens voice breaks “I’m not like him”

Judys eyes narrow. 

“What are you talking about? Who?”

Jen looks at her with fear in her eyes. 

“He- “ she couldn’t say it.

She had sworn to herself that she would take this to her grave. 

Judy is visibly freaking out, holding onto Jen like she’s going to disappear. Her eyes are searching for an explanation.

“Jen, what happened”

Jen sits up pulling herself out of Judys arms entirely. 

“ I didn’t want anyone to ever know” she said quietly.

Judy waited quietly for her to continue.

“I told you that he tried to kiss me and I punched him and ran out of that house...” Jen trailed off, looking away again. “You know, when I was tracking all of the people with 66’ mustangs”

“Yeah, I remember that... then you ran outside and drove here” Judy added. 

“But- the truth is um- that I couldn’t push him off because-“ Jens voice breaks again and she can’t stop the tears coming down her face now.

Judys mind is spinning a hundred miles per hour tryin to process what Jen is telling her.

“Jen.. did he-“

Jen instantly cuts her off. “Please. Don’t say it.. no he- tried. He was kissing me and then he tried to push up my skirt, but he couldn’t hold my arms and..” Jen mutters the last words softly

“He tried but when he loosened his grip I-“ Jen paused, looking Judy over to gauge her reaction.

“But he touched me and I can never wash that feeling off” Jen finished quickly, hoping to not have to disclose anymore. 

Judy was filled with raw emotion. She could fee her stomach twisting at what she had heard. And when she glanced up Jen was looking at her, waiting for her reaction.

“Jen-“ she started “Jen, I am so, so, sorry. I had no idea, I didn’t know. I- I just had no idea” she trailed off, not knowing what she could say that would make this better in any way. 

“I didn’t want you to.” Jen said quietly, pulling back from Judy again, not able to look at her when she continued on. “And I never meant to make you feel the same way that I did. I wish I could take it all back” 

Judys eyes bug out in horror of the implications of what Jen just said. 

“Jen, that is NOT what happened tonight! Do you hear me?” It takes a few seconds for Judy to continue, “Jen, how could you think that?”

Jen didn’t reply.

“Jen please look at me?” Judy said earnestly. Jen doesn’t move at the words. 

“Jen I put your hands on me.. I wanted you to touch me. It is not, AT ALL, the same. I am so so so sorry that that happened to you” her voice gave out at the images still swirling in her head.

Judy didn’t know if she could actually convince Jen of anything in this state of mind. 

“You could never be that to me. I love you so much, you could never be that to me..” Judy finished reaching forward to touch her. She slowly touched her fingertips to Jens hand. Trying to pull the blondes eyes up to meet her gaze with the contact.

Judys mind raced with thoughts of how she could convince her of how she really felt about her. About how she had been dying to kiss Jen and feel her and be touched by her. She wracked her brain but couldn’t come up with the right words to explain it and truthfully didn’t know if she could speak now without devolving into a puddle of tears. And she definitely couldn’t do that. After all she had heard tonight, after all Jen had gone through all alone.... She couldn’t fall apart now and let Jen try comfort her. 

God, not when Jen was obviously dealing with so much more. 

No, instead Judy gripped Jens hand tighter and pulled it up to the center of her chest and placed it gently directly over her heart. 

Jen held her gaze with a shadow of guilt and fear still in her eyes.

Judy leans forward to first kiss her forehead, then her tear streaked cheeks, then hovered slowly towards her lips for a featherlight kiss. 

Jen didn’t move as she let the brunette kiss her lightly. Still feeling uncertain, Jen kept her eyes closed and let the sensation take over the space in her brain where racing thoughts had previously occupied. Jen began to move her lips against Judys, returning the soft movements. 

When Jen felt the heartbeat under her palm jump at the contact, she pulled back, looking in judys eyes questioningly, then repeated the same movement kissing Judy again just as softly and felt her heartbeat pickup again fluttering under her hand. 

“Jen” Judy murmured, hoping that her expression said more than her words could right now. Then it became impossible to say more because Jen was kissing her again and had moved her hands up into Judys hair. Jen couldn’t help it when she started to smile.. But this made her previously-wet-cheeks now feel tight and somewhat sticky. The gentle rhythm of their kiss brought a sense of peace over Jen. And this time the kiss stayed soft and slow. Jen had never felt as safe as she did in this moment. 

They break away again only when Jen hiccups from her earlier tears, and they laugh softly with each other.

“Cmon” Judy says moving to stand and pulling Jen up with her. “We’re too fucking old to be sitting on the floor”

Jen chuckles softly and complies, being pulled gently by the arm over to the bed. “You sound too much like me” Jen murmured in response. 

Judy smiles at Jen and can’t help but quip back at her, “What can I say, you’ve really been rubbing off on me”

They both decide not to comment on how suggestive that sounds. 

Instead Judy turns and quickly locates the fresh shirt Jen had retrieved much earlier for her and slips it on. Then looking down and realizing she doesn’t want to sleep in her denim skirt, she pulls it off and drops it unceremoniously in a pile with her earlier discarded blouse. 

Turning back to Jen, she notices that Jen is still in her clothes from earlier.

“Is it ok if I take these off?” Judy inquires, gesturing at Jens pants.

Jen pauses in hesitation.

“Oh um, you know, just to sleep” Judy quickly adds “just so you’re comfortable so you can sleep”

Jen nods in affirmation, unbuttoning and pulling off the slacks herself, then standing somewhat awkwardly shifting her weight from one leg to another. 

“Could you um.. hand me those flannel shorts?”Jen asks, pointing behind Judy at the folded clothing on the bench at the foot of the bed. 

“Oh, of course” Judy quickly answers, grabbing the shorts and holding them out towards Jen. 

A moment of silent awkwardness comes over them both as Judy then turns away and Jen pulls up the sleep shorts and quickly swaps out her top and bra for a tshirt. 

“you can look now” Jen finishes, blushing somewhat. 

Judy turns around and starts to speak, but then stops herself.

Jen watches silently and finally decided to save Judy the uncomfort of not knowing what to say by speaking first herself.

“Well, I know that was definitely not how I wanted tonight to turn out” she jokes lightly.

Judy gives her a knowing look and pulls her into a gentle embrace.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry what happened to you and I hate that you’ve been dealing with it alone all this time”

Jen shrugs into the hug and enjoys the comfort of the close contact. She really doesn’t want Judy to end the hug and leave to go to the guesthouse. Jen can’t stand the thought of being alone with her thoughts after everything had been so unexpectedly exposed. 

“Will you stay with me tonight?” The blonde implored, clearly feeling vulnerable at the idea of being alone. 

“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away” Judy replied, smiling. 

Judy moves to fold down the blankets and ushers Jen under the covers. She then hurries to turn off the lights and slips in bed herself. 

They lie in the darkness side by side, but not touching. Jen longs to reach out to Judy for comfort, but in the darkness she can’t find the boldness to do so, especially uninvited. Judy can feel how ridged Jen is beside her and wants to comfort the blonde, but ultimately decides to let Jen determine the level of contact she is comfortable with tonight. 

“Would it be ok if I-“ Jen starts, but is quickly cut off by Judy pulling her into her arms and snuggling behind her. 

“-Came closer” Jen finishes, smiling and relaxing into the embrace. 

“Thank you for not hating me” Jen says simply in the darkness. “I don’t think I could survive if you hated me”

Vulnerability is hard for Jen. Judy knows that. She also knows that tonight is the most vulnerable Jen has probably ever been, even during her marriage. 

“Nothing could make me hate you” Judy speaks in reply, pressing a kiss to the closest part of Jen, her temple.

Several minutes go by and Judy can feel Jens breathing even out, a telltale sign that she’s asleep.

Judy is happy to have Jen asleep peacefully in her arms after the strenuous evening they had both had. 

They both had left things open ended between them, with the kissing, then all of the trauma Jen had experienced, but Judy knew that they could discuss things tomorrow, or the next day. It really didn’t matter when, because Judy finally knew for sure that she love ed Jen, and Jen loved her too. And for tonight, knowing that and having Jen in her arms was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first attempt at writing fan fiction. I guess I consider this dipping my toes in the water to see if I want to try again. I have a lot of ideas for more stories for this pairing that I think might be interesting, but I want to see how this goes first.
> 
> I’m very nervous to post this because I know it’s not very polished(there are probably many mistakes). However! I would love to hear ANY constructive criticism, thoughts, feelings, ideas for improvement, and anything(If anything) that you did like about it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
